If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
