she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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