Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize