did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
