She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
