They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
