We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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