Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
