i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would fuck him just for his dog
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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