I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
