o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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