Jerry, you need to find god
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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