is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
