He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
