You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
