; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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