He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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