i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize