ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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