I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
