remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
