You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
