I can tuck mytits in my pants
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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