You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
