Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
