I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
