i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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