He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh god it's open bar.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
