Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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