the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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