I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
