I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Screwed.edu
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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