So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
