I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
