I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
