Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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