you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
