so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
