I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
