Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
