TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
