She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i've created a new STD.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
