She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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