Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
