Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My ass is underappreciated
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
