R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
