my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
where are my eyebrows?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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