If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
