i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mom said you looked used
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize