On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can text with my tongue
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
