Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
