Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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