Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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