Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
