fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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