Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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