no, he came in my armpit
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
