I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
