ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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