I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize