I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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