I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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