he thought i was a dude.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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