I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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