I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
