There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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