btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize