Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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