Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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