i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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