She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
