I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
