actually, I'm a sock model
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
